Fight the Good Fight

After I returned from my first inpatient stay at a psychiatric hospital back in September 2018, Stephen gave me a small, squishy boxing glove as a reminder for me to continue fighting for life. That little glove has sat in my office at work ever since, and I admit that after a while it sort of blended into my surroundings and stopped being something I focused on daily. But late last week I found myself staring at it anew and gripped it with desperate hands, needing to feel its texture but also needing to remember that I am in a battle for my mind.

Even though my depression has been much better and more manageable these past few months, I would be lying if I said I haven’t been affected by the pandemic and all that has come with it. I have found my motivation depleted, my energy sapped, my mood despondent. I have felt strangled by loneliness at times, and I have craved a normal Sunday at church, where we are free to hug each other and worship unhindered by social distancing and masks and sterilization. Anxiety about what the school year will look like for Charlotte has consumed me, and I find myself voicing prayers in the middle of the night as I think of all the worst-case scenarios. It is enough to send my thoughts racing, to make me feel like I am losing my grip on reality.

Instead, I stop. I breathe. I squeeze my boxing glove and remember the warning of Paul in Ephesians 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” I am in a battle for my mind and soul, and my enemy (and yours, too) isn’t the corona virus but sin and Satan. Satan taunts us with lies and fear, and if I am not careful I find myself falling into his trap. So I must be diligent: “Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication” (Ephesians 6:13-18). I combat lies with the truths of Scripture. I fight despair with the hope of the gospel. I take my negative thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. I fight, and then I wake up the next day and fight again. The battle is not lost. I have victory in Jesus.

Three weeks ago I started reading Psalm 119. Conviction washes over me daily as I read its words of love and adoration, as I meditate on its admonition to cherish God and His Word above all else. I am reminded that He is good and does good (verse 68). I am reminded that His Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (verse 105). I am reminded that in my affliction, His promise gives me life (verse 50). I am reminded that the earth is full of His steadfast love (verse 64). When I do not know where else to turn, I turn to Him. He alone is steady and unchanging and dependable when all else fails.

Are you weary and laden with fear? Bring your burden to Jesus. And keep fighting. You do not fight alone.

Adrift (and a Simple Bible Challenge)

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Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but sometime over the last two months I stopped reading my Bible. This is unusual for me, for even during times when I was so depressed that I could manage very little, I would still listen to the Psalms being read to me, and they brought me comfort. But in this chaotic time of life, when you would think my desperation for normalcy and comfort would drive me to the Word, instead I have found myself adrift, swimming in deep waters without my life jacket on and then wondering why it feels like I’m drowning. Is it any wonder that life has felt overwhelming and unmanageable? Is it any wonder my heart feels cold and lifeless, when I have cut it off from its source of true life?

I don’t write this as someone who has the answers but as someone who knows where the answers can be found. I am done with allowing my fear and anxiety and anger and sadness to rule me. I am submitting anew to the counsel of God’s Word and asking God to change me from the inside out. I am planning to camp out in Psalm 119 for the next four weeks, starting on Monday, July 13. If you’re burned out or tired or looking for change, will you join me? Here’s the reading plan I have outlined. Each week is around 40-47 verses, and you could read the whole chunk each day or break each day into smaller sections. (The number of verses each week varies because I tried to follow natural section breaks within the psalm.)

July 13-July 19: Psalm 119:1-40
July 20-July 26: verses 41-88
July 27-Aug. 2: verses 89-136
Aug. 3-Aug.  9: verses 137-176

I plan to start each week by reading through the whole psalm, and then I will spend the rest of that week on the allotted verses. I picked this psalm because I love the Psalms in general, and specifically, this psalm is rife with adoration of God and the written word He has given us. I want to fall in love with the Bible again, and I don’t know of any other way to do this except to spend time devoted to actually reading the Bible. I also plan to write out the entire psalm over the course of the four weeks. I have done this before with certain Bible passages, and I have found that it helps me to absorb the words more deeply and aids in my meditation of the Scriptures.

Accountability is a great way to help achieve a goal, and I would love for anyone reading this to join me in this endeavor. If you want to read along, please comment, and we can figure out a way to have a weekly check in of some kind.

If you’re already regularly reading the Bible, what are you reading right now? I always love to hear what others are studying!

Hide His Word

“I have hidden your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11

When I was in high school and college, I loved to memorize Scripture. It was practically a hobby, I did it so much. I put index cards up in my room and in the car and would give myself pop quizzes regularly. I loved being able to call a verse to mind at just the right time of need. Over the years, however, I let this discipline all but disappear from my life, and I have really wanted to change that. I was talking to two friends recently about my lack of discipline in general but also the desire I had to begin intentionally memorizing more Scripture, and one of them shared what I have decided is the best trick ever. Are you ready for it? Here’s a hint:

My current passages: Micah 7:7-8 and Romans 12:1-2

That’s right, just put the verses you want to memorize in a Ziploc bag, and you’re good to go!

Okay, so there’s a little more to it than that. 🙂 The key is to take the Ziploc bag and tape it up on the wall of your shower. Then every morning when you are doing something you have to do anyway, you can review the verses. I was able to memorize 4 different Scripture passages last month, and I haven’t done that in a long time. I am loving this new “system” and will definitely keep doing it. When I have memorized my verses for the week, I transfer those cards to the bathroom mirror and put new ones in their place. That way I can review the older verses while I am putting on my makeup or brushing my teeth and learn the newer ones while I am in the shower.  I am so thankful to my friend Kim for sharing this trick with me. I wish I had thought of it myself. 😉

Do you have any tried-and-true Scripture memory tricks?