Weight on February 20: 168.6
Weight today: 169.6
GAIN of 1 pound
Is anyone really surprised by this? It seems like lately gaining weight is what I do best. I am flirting with the 170s, and I really don’t want to be in the 170s again. I spent the bulk of 2012 there, and I’d love to spend the bulk of 2013 in the 160s, or even the high 150s. I have done better with my eating choices recently, and I’ve even managed to make it to the gym several times, but I am not consistent enough with these actions to really see results, as evidenced by this weigh-in.
Honestly, I’m weary of this whole struggle. I have been dealing with my weight my entire life. As long as I can remember I have been overweight, even in elementary school. I get so frustrated with the fact that I am sitting here obsessing over food when there are babies without parents, people without food, etc. Considering the serious problems of the world, this issue is ridiculous. I hate that something as trivial as food consumes so much of my thoughts, but I fear that if I didn’t think about it, I would end up weighing 300 pounds. I desperately need to find balance.
I long for a day when I can just eat a meal and not agonize over what’s on my plate. I long for a day when my thoughts aren’t consumed by food, but I don’t know if that day will ever come. I don’t know if I will ever find true freedom from this. Sometimes I am grateful for this struggle because it has helped deepen my dependence on God and kept me humble, but then I also know that I am not meant to live in bondage, so I don’t know what to think.
What I do know is that I am a child of God, and He loves me in spite of the mess I make of my life at times, and I am deeply grateful for that.