Last week’s weight: 190.8
This week’s weight: 191.2
GAIN of .4 pounds
I’m not surprised, and I’m actually relieved it’s only a .4 gain. For whatever reason I am just stuck, mentally and physically. I told Stephen the other night that I was going to give up on weight loss, and I was only half joking. I think I am just tired, so very tired, of trying to lose weight. I’ve been doing this for the better part of 3.5 years. What’s hard is that I know other people who would have already lost their weight and been maintaining for 2 years, and yet here I am, still trying to shake this excess weight. Yes, I did have a baby not even 5 months ago and was pregnant for 9 months before that, so my weight loss was interrupted, but I think I’ve just sort of mentally checked out, and the scale is reflecting that.
Stephen and I talked about it, and while he said he would support no matter what, he said he would hate to see me get so close to my goal only to give up now. The truth is, I would hate it too. It would be one thing if I could honestly say, “Okay, I am happy where I am. I feel good about my body and about my health, so I will just stop here.” But I can’t say that, not at all. I am not happy with my body and I am definitely not living as healthy as I need to be, so if I were to stop now, I’d be giving up on myself, selling myself short and possibly cheating myself out of a better life. What sense does that make?
Somehow I’ve got to get over this wall I’ve been facing. Right now it seems insurmountable, but I know it’s not. Even as I wrote this, the Lord brought Psalm 18:29 to mind: “With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.” Sure, I’m not facing a literal troop, but I’m definitely in a battle for my life. As I read more of Psalm 18, I couldn’t help but see the parallels between facing an actual battle and facing a battle against sin, which is precisely what I’m doing. God promises not to leave us alone in this battle, but to arm us:
It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
36 You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you humbled my adversaries before me.
With my God, I can scale this wall. I can win this battle. And so can you.