I have been frustrated today.
Frustrated with my body, which seems to want to hang out in the 190s forever.
Frustrated with myself, since just before writing this post I caved and went through the drive-thru at Burger King because today is Whopper Wednesday, and I needed a fast, cheap meal since we overslept this morning and I was late to work and didn’t have time to grab anything at home.
Frustrated at God because He gave me this body that has always seemed to cling to every pound. Frustrated that I have to struggle daily with my weight when so many, including my own husband, never have.
And out of that list of frustrations, the only one that is justified is the second one. My body is not an independent being apart from me, maniacally holding onto fat and laughing in derision as I step on the scale to find that I have lost no weight. My body is what I put into it. And despite the fact that I resisted those donuts last week and even did some pretty intense weight training over the weekend, I didn’t resist Burger King. I didn’t resist chocolate pie earlier in the week, and I didn’t resist an extra hot dog last night at dinner. I can’t blame my body for only reflecting the lifestyle I am living.
And I certainly can’t blame God. Yes, He gave me my body. He fashioned me in my mother’s womb. He calls me “fearfully and wonderfully made.” My body can do some amazing things, and it’s all because God made it. But He did not make me choose years of sedentary living coupled with the consumption of copious amounts of junk food. He did not make me make excuses about working out.
It all boils down to the fact that I have bought into what author Lysa TerKeurst calls the “lie of the skinny jeans”–that I will be happy once I am skinnier. But you know what?
Skinny people have problems too. The life of the skinny person is not one of perfection or endless joy. I have caught myself envying those I know who are skinny and have watched them, thinking, “She can eat ice cream and not have it show up on her thighs a day later. Her life is perfect.” Yet what I don’t know is that she may have a myriad of other struggles that aren’t obvious to me. The thing is, we live in a fallen world. We all sin and face trials and hardship and struggle. Skinny people are not immune from this.
We are all broken. We just break in different ways.
Our only hope of being put back together is God. So I will praise Him and beg and plead for Him to put me back together again.
Revelations 21:5: “Behold, I am making all things new…”