I need a good kick in the pants, so here are some facts I’m using to give that to myself:

1. I only exercised twice this past week. In week 2 of October, I only exercised three times, and in week 3, 4 times. (I exercised 6 times in week 1).

2. In March of 2009, I saw 199.6 on the scale. 7 months later, I have only lost a little over 15 pounds. That’s an average of 2.2 pounds a month.

3. I gained and lost the same 3 pounds for all of July and August and did not see a “new” low on the scale until the end of September.

4. The last time I ran 5 miles or more was in August.

5. I have been a size 16 since February.

6. I have not had a consistent strength training routine since February.

7. I have become too dependent on having a dessert after dinner. Recently, more often than not I am choosing the unhealthy food over the healthy one.

These are not good things. I am not happy when I realize how much I’m not committing to this healthy lifestyle. I am not happy when I realize how I am squandering the life God has blessed me with. But I don’t want to just moan and cry about it, I want to change. As Stephen just reminded me, there are still 2 months left in this year, and while I can’t change the past, I can live in the present and make it worth living.

Tomorrow I am going to make an appointment with a personal trainer. This scares me beyond belief, probably because I am afraid of being told how out of shape and weak I am and because I don’t like trying new things. But I need to do something to shake things up, and I need some guidance in the strength training department, so perhaps this will help.

So there you have it. I’m a mess. But I’m trusting that God can still make something beautiful out of it.