Friday Five: Quotes from The Office

Last night was the sixth season premiere of The Office, and in honor of that, I’m listing some of my favorite quotes. This was almost an impossible task because there are fabulous quotes in pretty much every episode, but here are some that are memorable to me. “That’s what she said” does not make the list because, well, it’s obvious. 🙂

1. Michael Scott: “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.” I actually used this quote in a handout I gave to my students about the pitfalls of using Wikipedia as a source.

2. Andy Bernard: “I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has. My brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.”

3. Michael: “Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know… I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No, don’t sue me… that’s the opposite of the point I’m trying to make.”

4. Dwight Schrute: “When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.”

5. This is an exchange between Jim and Dwight, possibly one of the best ever:

Dwight: Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time now. Check out time is never.
Jim: Does my room have cable?
Dwight: No, and the sheets are made of fire!
Jim: Can I change rooms?
Dwight: No, we’re all booked up. Hell convention in town!
Jim: Can I have a late check out?
[pauses]
Dwight: I’ll have to talk to the manager.
Jim: You’re not the manager…even in your own fantasy?
Dwight: I’m the owner….co-owner. With Satan!
Jim: Okay, just so I understand it…in your wildest fantasy, you are in hell. And you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
Dwight: But I haven’t told you my salary.
Jim: Go.
Dwight: Eighty thousand dollars a year!

Honorable mentions:

Dwight: “Once I’m officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.”

Michael: “I love inside jokes. I’d like to be a part of one some day.”

If you watch The Office, what are some of your favorite quotes or favorite episodes?

9 thoughts on “Friday Five: Quotes from The Office”

Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently, it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: The aid to Afghanistan?
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam Beesley: No, that's “afghan.”
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistanannis.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.

and…

Michael Scott: Oh, and another fun thing: we, at the end of the night, we are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna…
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's, uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, uh… Hooters is catering. You know, is that not – is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael Scott: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it… not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

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Argh, I left out of word in my last one, so I had to delete it. Anyway, one of my favorites to use (yes, I use it…sometimes) is from the “Hot Girl” episode of Season 1…

Dwight Schrute: The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

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I love the office! Those are great quotes! One of my favorite episodes ever is the one where Jim and Dwight dress up and do impressions of each other. 🙂

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love love love it all! i cracked up at the episode last night and would not let patrick delete it–i plan to watch it over and over. i can't even begin to think of my favorite quotes, but i sure do love when michael grills his foot and dwight gets the concussion

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