So the knee pain I mentioned in my last entry? Still there. If anything, it’s gotten worse instead of better. I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor tomorrow at 8:45, so hopefully he can diagnose the problem and send me on the path to recovery. Stephen has been such a good caretaker: getting things for me, fixing food for me, helping me put on my socks (yes, I can’t even do that on my left foot), pushing me around an Illinois mall in a wheelchair (that was interesting, haha). I never realized how much I depended on my knee until it began to hurt when I attempted basic motions like sitting down or getting up or getting in and out of a car.
I’ve never been so frustrated with my body, but I know that whining about it or being angry isn’t going to heal my knee, so I’m trying not to be completely negative. (Of course, that would be easier if I weren’t so pessimistic.) And it just seems so painfully cruel that this would happen at a time when I actually enjoy exercising and have been making progress (12 pounds so far!). I am afraid that the doctor will tell me I can’t exercise for some awful length of time, and that will devastate me. I haven’t been terribly constrictive with my diet because I’ve been exercising, but now that I’m not, I’m going to have to figure out what changes to make. I need to work on eating smaller portions and making healthier choices. Perhaps this knee injury is supposed to teach me that.
I know I will never succeed in this weight loss venture if I don’t change the way I think about food. Food should not affect me emotionally, and yet it does. I cannot allow it to control me. I am a child of God, not a slave to food! I keep thinking of 2 Corinthians 10:5: “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Obviously, this verse is not talking specifically about food, but if my love of food hinders or distracts from my love for God, then it’s “setting itself up against the knowledge of God.” If I’m turning to food for comfort or emotional release, then I’m not relying on the Lord, and I’m not making my thoughts obedient to Him. And when I think of this, I remember that apart from Him I have no good thing, so if I’m going to succeed in losing those 100 pounds, He’s going to have to be in charge. His grace is sufficient, for His power is made perfect in my weakness! Jesus, be my strength.