Late this morning Stephen locked his keys in his car, with the car still running, and I called AAA so we could get a locksmith out there. He just called me a half hour ago to see if I had heard anything, because they still weren’t there, and turns out there was some miscommunication on my end, and after we hung up I just started bawling. I have no idea why. My emotions are all over the place, and I think I’ve kind of been absorbing all that’s happened over the past week without really stopping to think about it or process it. I kept telling myself that if I kept working, I’d be doing something useful, and that would be enough, but the truth is it’s not enough. In a way I need to stop thinking about it, but in another way I feel like I’ve only just begun to think about it. That doesn’t even make sense, but I feel like my emotions right now don’t make sense either. I have to remember that at times like this, when my emotions are running rampant and I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and angry and sad and worried all at once, that God is the steady, constant God He was, is, and always will be. He is the Lord, and He changes not. I don’t have to be strong, because He is made strong in my weakness.
What a comfort that is when all around me seems to be changing! I keep thinking of Union and the memories I have there, and now some places I remember as part of Union will be no more very soon. My heart is breaking for Union, for my students. If I am this distraught over the tornado, I can’t imagine what they’re going through! I just hope they give themselves the freedom to fall apart, to truly let themselves feel what they’re experiencing right now instead of bottling everything up or pretending they’re fine. Yes, they are alive and God is so gracious to have spared them all, but they’ve also experienced a trauma, one that will be with them for many years to come, one that won’t be easy to push to the back of the mind. I hope they can turn to each other and loved ones for support and be honest and open about what they’re feeling, and I pray that the God of all peace will comfort and surround them with His love, that we would all remember to be still and know that He is God.