This week on Gilmore Girls…

Rory and Lorelai open the episode with banter that seems terribly forced and contrived, and again I think that they made up far too easily. Rory is introduced to Paul Anka, who only lets Rory into his crazy psychotic universe after Rory puts sugar on her toes for Paul Anka to lick off. (Yes, that is really what happened.) Lorelai then gives Rory a hatbox full of post-it notes with things Lorelai thought of while they were apart and wanted to remember for when they made up. (Apparently Kirk went skeet shooting. Then took up tai chi. Babette recorded her cats meowing and made a record. Lorelai tried reading Beowulf then quickly gave up. You know, the usual.)

The gals make their way to the diner and enter Luke’s to the fanfare of Lorelai’s poor imitation of a drumroll. There’s an uncomfortable exchange between Rory and Luke where Rory asks Luke if anything’s new with him, and you can practically hear Luke’s guilty conscience screaming out his little secret. Hep Alien (Lane’s band) has this big shot with some record label dudes at a gig, and Rory promises to attend and film it all. After that Rory informs Lorelai that she and Logan aren’t talking but doesn’t go into the dirty details.

Then comes one of the best scenes in the episode. Lorelai brings Rory to the inn, where Sookie literally hyperventilates when she finds out that the estranged pair are now un-estranged. Michel comes in and says “Rory!” in an uncharacteristically enthusiastic but nevertheless cute voice, then tries to cover it up. I love Michel.

Cut to the band, who is going over their set list for the big gig. All of the band’s songs are named after girls, and Lane suggests that it would be nice if Zach wrote one about a girl named Lane since they’re dating and all, but Zach says her name’s not good for a song, only cliches rhyme with Lane (like rain and pain), and Brian’s all, “But you could totally write a good song about Lane.” Zach remains unconvinced; Lane looks vaguely disappointed. The anvil of foreshadowing falls with a loud bang.

Rory and Lorelai at the inn. Lorelai tells Rory about Chris’s unexpected phone call, and the girls speculate about what the “good news” could be. Lorelai decides to call up Chris and meet up with him. They meet up in some random restaurant, exchange this weird hug filled with the awkwardness of a year’s worth of separation (brought on by incredible stupidity on Chris’s part, but do they talk about it? Of course not! That would be communicating, and no one on this show does that!). Anyway, Christopher’s rich grandfather died and apparently left him enough money to buy 10 Third World countries, and he wants to share the wealth with Rory and Lorelai. Lorelai of course refuses the money but promises to talk to Rory about it to see if she might want something.

Liz drops into the episode from the “we need another subplot” bag, and she’s at Luke’s trying to prepare her Thanksgiving meal for 12, even though she’s completely devoid of any culinary skills and Luke ends up doing some of it for her. When she runs upstairs to check on her other food (that turns out to be mostly ruined), Luke follows her and spills his guts about the kid. Why in the world he thought it would be a good idea to tell his blabbermouth sister about it before Lorelai is beyond me, but hey, they’ve gotta create drama. Liz immediately guesses who the mother is since Luke’s a “serial monogamist” and then asks what he’s going to do about it. He says he’s not sure since Anna hasn’t contacted him about it, April seemed completely unconcerned, so he feels like if they want to forget about it then he can to. Riiight, Luke, right. Irresponsibility is so not your forte. Liz is kind of like, “Are you sure about this?” but doesn’t press the issue, which in my opinion was a bad call.

We then return to the band, who is doing a sound check before their big gig. Zach’s got his guitar in a wad because Brian has been working on a song about Lane, but instead of dealing with his jealousy, he turns on the jerk button–he just snaps at everyone, throws out the set list, causes a huge scene, and it ends with Gil tackling Zach on the stage while everyone boos. So then Lane goes to find Zach after this debacle and she wants to know what’s wrong, starts crying because he let her and the band down, he says that maybe people in a band shouldn’t date, they kind of break up (I think), and that’s it. Seriously people, communicate!

This is getting way too long (sorry!) so I’ll try to wrap it up. Rory decides to ask Christopher to pay for the rest of Yale, and so of course this will cause major issues with the grandparents, whom Rory wants to be rid of. A ton of people converge on the Dragonfly for Thanksgiving, during which Luke surreptitiously calls Anna, but hangs up when he just gets their answering machine. He has the perfect opportunity to tell Lorelai about April when she tells him what Chris was calling about and that Rory’s going to take the money to pay for Yale, but does he tell her? Noooo. Because that would be too easy. And then what would they write about? During dinner Rory gets a call on her cell phone, and guess who it is? Not Logan, but his sister Honor. She’s calling from the awful Huntzberger dinner to tell Rory that Logan’s an idiot and she’s sorry to hear they broke up. This is clearly news to Rory, who thought they had just had a fight, but Honor said Logan told her they broke up. Rory goes back to the table in shock, the chefs bring out 80 turkeys and a gazillion pounds of cranberry sauce, and the end.

This wasn’t completely in order, but I tried to group the individual storylines together. And I read somewhere that the next new episode isn’t until January 10! So this blah episode is what we have to mull over until then?? What’s happened to my show??? I hope Rory and Logan stay broken up, Luke better tell Lorelai about April or I’m gonna get violent, and World War III is going to break out when Emily and Richard find out that Christopher’s paying for Yale. Drama, thy name is Gilmore Girls.

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